Is there anything really to cherish and hope for this Merdeka Day, this year, this government? I have searched deep and long, still doing it, working at it and hoping to find that one worthy reason which will lead me to hoist up my flag and join in the expression of pride and jubilation this Merdeka Day.

But, I find none.

Instead, I find a nation shrouded in a sense of hopelessness and helplessness, courtesy of a repressive government intent on perpetuating its power regardless of civil liberties.

I recognise a nation misguided by leaders harping on the skewed notion of material and economic comforts, one oiled by crony capitalism, hence its material 'success' achieved at a gigantic cost to the nation's coffers and national psyche, saddling generations of present and future Malaysians with the heavy burden of public debts accruing out of the folly and greed of Mahathirnomics. And for all these, I am required to prostrate in submissive gratitude to the government.

I recognise a nation of youngsters wallowing in mindless hedonistic pursuits, fueled in large part by equally mindless pornographic and lewd publications and productions spawned by seemingly morally righteous media houses whose profitability becomes more important than social obligations.

And as these youngsters turn into adults, they graduate into child molesters and spouse killers, incestuous rapists and sodomists, and more certainly, in my calculations, into politicians and ministers.

I recognise a nation of Muslim and non-Muslim anti-Islamists who seem ever too ready to condemn the religion and all its non-secular renditions, while countless government-reined Ustaz make their TV rounds preaching Islamic values.

I recognise a country of men with trivial mind intent on creating or breaking every sort of trivial records in the world, drummed up by the rhythm of Malaysia Boleh!, while other countries invariably and without much fanfare, passed us by in real achievements of sporting, artistic and cultural excellence.

I recognise a country where every creature of government is misused and abused to silence any disagreement or dissent. And when a few courageous individuals dare stand up for rightness, the rebuke from the leader is always fast and ferocious.

After more than four decades of Merdeka, there is really nothing to celebrate. On the contrary, this is a time for some soul-searching, for strengthening one's resolve to weather this calamity, and for prayer. Yes, when all else fail or is silenced, my only final recourse is prayer.

I have never not loved my Malaysia. But for now, any show of love will just have to wait. Perhaps next year, or the year after next, then perhaps I shall be ready to hoist my flag. Every day, not just on Merdeka Day.