RPK: A story behind a story!

Speculation is rife that Malaysia’s uncrowned King of Bloggers, Raja Petra Kamaruddin, was incarcerated for two years under the draconian – don’t we Malaysians love this word -- Internal Security Act (ISA) after he kept an ominous silence in the face of repeated demands by police that he shut down his autopilot website, Malaysia Today, for good, in return for being set free.

Obviously, "the demands" were worse than the torture that routinely goes on in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. RPK would have preferred water-boarding for sure. Or quacking like a duck all over the floor to amuse his jailers when there’s nothing on Astro on rainy nights but endless re-runs.

In addition, he had to ,of course, take an extended vacation of sorts abroad no doubt at government expense initially, perhaps in Wales for example where his mother comes from. Actually, this wouldn’t be a bad idea at all, according to widely circulating reports of what the police told him.

How long has it been since RPK, Pete, set foot in his mother’s picturesque kampung nestled in the Welsh highlands and caught up with the rest of his clan there. Imagine all the long-lost relatives waiting to catch up with their famous, or rather infamous – depending through which end of the municipal drainpipe -- cousin from Malaysia.

Wales could also do with Wales Today, its very own version of Malaysia Today, to pour scorn on the hypocritical English of the bad teeth and foul-smelling mouths and provoke an uprising against these neo-colonialists. Malaysia Today Boleh! Wales Today Boleh!

Of course, there’s no way of verifying these stories but, suffice it to say, that it makes for good reporting and great reading if for nothing else but for the fact that "it is exactly the kind of thing that the authorities in Malaysia can be expected to do" to further endear themselves to the people.

Held for insulting Islam

Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar himself gamely pooh poohs these stories and says that the blogger was held for insulting the sanctity of Islam – whatever that means, among others.

Syed’s reasons would have been much more believable had hundreds of thousands of Muslims poured like clockwork onto the streets, as in other countries, beating their breasts in unison, wailing, rolling their eyes heavenwards in a trance, and screaming "Allahhu Akbar". (God is Great).

Unfortunately, this part of a Bolehwood script set in the mythical Malusia has no action and pokes great holes in the Home Minister’s tall tales, for want of a better term.

No cars were torched, or buildings set on fire, the Welsh flag was not burned or RPK hanged in effigy before being shot, fried and fed to the pigs along with members of the mainstream press, policemen who go around giving people a black eye, politicians who collect projects for sale, and judges who are too lazy to write judgments even after a decade and more.

Tarnishing leaders

Another pathetic excuse given is "tarnishing the country’s (feudal) leaders". Obviously, this is another sacred cow in the country. George Bush who regularly gets rubbished by all and sundry can probably take a leaf from this in the midst of all his woes with the Obama-crazy media, "anti-national" stand up comedians and leftist opinion polls which cast doubts even on his sanity and intelligence: A lunatic moron in the White House played by George Bush Jnr.

Imagination and creativity are not strong points here. If they had been strong points, the police would not say with a straight face recently that they held a reporter under the ISA in order to protect her from non-existent unknown people who wanted to harm her. No other government could be so caring! The fact that her incarceration was against her will is really besides the point.

Why split hairs? It’s the thought that counts. The fact that she was released after a couple of days in detention, obviously gorging herself on Teresa Kok’s "dog food", should not be brought up.

She no longer needed protection from the non-existent unknown people who wanted to harm her. That’s the most important point. The police obviously know who these non-existent unknown people are since they (the unknowns) go around harming people but they are not telling.

No action however can be taken against these non-existent people since they haven’t actually harmed anyone yet. "A person, even one non-existent, is considered innocent unless proven guilty," is something the police swear by at all times in the cause of the race, religion and country. Shouldn’t the King be included here as well in this oft-repeated national mantra?

Troublesome

Clearly, Malaysia Today, is a troublesome "thorn in the flesh" for the Malaysian authorities although it’s stories, to borrow a phrase from Jon Stewart, are not fact- checked, its opinions not fully thought through and it’s journalists are not professionals.

Now the verdict is out! RPK was the ultimate extreme in blogging a la Malaysia. His incarceration under the ISA for two years creates a first of sorts, a precedent, by which others will be judged if hauled up for their sins of commission and omission.

"The incarceration makes a mockery of Malaysia’s multimedia laws which promise no censorship of the Internet," is the plaintive cry of the blogging community in the country. "This will send shockwaves across the world and sends the wrong kind of message about Malaysia’s commitment to keeping politics out of cyberspace."

Why bother when the Multimedia Super Corridor (MSC) and Cyberjaya, white elephants, will soon secede from Malaysia and join Bangalore which is already fighting for its independence?

In any case, with one stroke of the bureaucratic pen, various "troubling questions" raised by Malaysia Today’s "entertaining" reporting has been swept under the carpet, perhaps for good: the Najib and wife factor in the Altantuya affair; the sodomology allegations involving lawyer Muhd Shafee, whether Indian Muslims are ugly because they are all reportedly suffering from mad cow disease, whether DNA tests can weed out the "fake" Arabs who claim descent from Prophet Mohd, among others.

"These were ‘serious investigative journalism reports’ that RPK and Malaysia Today were working on when cut down in the prime of their life," says an admiring fan with a sigh. "Just when they having such a ball! Life can be so cruel at times."

RPK's modus operandi

Malaysia Today, to be sure, posed a formidable legal challenge of sorts for our "kopi oh" lawyers who can’t draft even a simple letter to save themselves although they routinely charge a bomb and use client monies to be part-time Ah Longs while keeping up appearances, even a dignified, nay offended front in all their puffery, strutting around like peacocks.

And why not?

Just consider the ingenious, albeit simple, modus operandi of RPK and Malaysia Today:

Make all sorts of allegations and innuendos, attributing the information to various unnamed sources;

If challenged to reveal the sources, or as directed by a court recently, refuse on the grounds that the sources are confidential. "If I start revealing my sources, no one will talk to me in the future," was RPK’s perennial defence which had his admirers and foes alike gasping with admiration;

Prepare any number of statutory declarations and police reports, the contents of which are carried verbatim in Malaysia Today for readers to comment; and

Allow free rein for readers comments, even vulgarities, obscenities, virtual name calling and the like; and

If sued scream persecution and tribute it to political motivations, and in any case, refuse to accept any summons, refuse to turn up in court, or if at all in court refuse to defend oneself; or if forced to put up a defence, defend oneself. Who needs all these lawyer beruks who only have the ringgit signs in their eyes?

Link to Abdullah

What puzzles people in the know is why RPK didn’t use his direct link with Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi to keep himself out of Kamunting where the mosquitoes are fat and ferocious and the cement floors even colder and harder on rainy nights.

In all of RPK’s pictures in public, a burly slightly over-tanned man can be seen with him. This person is none other than Badawi’s ex-dosai man from Bangsar.

Badawi used to swear by his dosai – not too bad, but I have seen better -- and recommend it to his ever shrinking circle of friends. Those were the humble days when the man was with Semangat 46 and had very few friends, the ex-dosai man being among them.

Since the Bangsar stalls have been shooed away from Kuala Lumpur’s capital, Badawi’s ex-dosai man became a man of all seasons to RPK.

RPK has to just tell the ex-dosai man to call Badawi in the morning and he will be home in time for the breaking of the fast. However, if this means shutting down Malaysia Today for good and taking that extended vacation in Wales or elsewhere abroad, highly recommended no doubt by the police as the stories have it, RPK would obviously rather stay where he is now, the ferocious fat mosquitoes and cold cement floors on rainy nights in Kamunting notwithstanding.

His entire life, RPK has been waiting for something like Malaysia Today to happen. Now, that he has it, he’s not going to let anyone snatch away his dream from him even if the ex-dosai man teams up with Badawi to persuade him otherwise.

Joe Fernandez is an educationist, former newspaper editor and ex-civil servant.