Now, our other boyfriends are offering us a better deal. And more fragrant flowers - like cutting the price of petrol by 30 sen to reduce the widespread suffering of inflation. ‘Oh no! Malaysia tak boleh!’ cries our husband. ‘That will cost RM5billion. Malaysia will go bankrupt with that kind of welfare state.’ Of course, such a welfare state for the people is not ‘realistic’. Why? Because in reality, Malaysia is a welfare state for the rich cronies.

RM5 billion is too much to give to old, faithful wives. Even though it would help 25 million of us Malaysians, our husband says we can't ‘afford’ it. And he's right! Our husband has already spent RM4.6 billion to enrich cronies in the Port Klang Free Zone (PKFZ) scandal, according to Lim Kit Siang. Najib's Defence Ministry paid out RM900 million as ‘commission’ to ‘agents’ (including a company linked to Abdul Razak Baginda) on arms deals involving submarines and airplanes.

As Anwar jokes in his ceramah nowadays, ‘When a policeman takes RM100, that’s called bribery, that’s haram. But when agents take RM900 million, that’s called commission, that’s halal.’ Now if Lim and Anwar are lying, shouldn't our husband whack them (in court) to clear his name? Okay, so maybe we should not listen to boyfriends' seductive talk. But luckily, our husband had a faithful servant called the Auditor-General who told us just how our man was berfoya-foya or fooling around with other mistresses - the cronies.

It turns out the BN government ministries paid RM5,741 for each car jack that costs only RM50 in the hardware store. And RM224 for each set of screwdrivers that cost RM40. Sad to say, that's how old, faithful wives get screwed. It's hard and painful. Even the pro-government The Star newspaper put this shocking abuse of the rakyat's money on their front page When a man is addicted to something, be it, the English Premier League, computer games, alcohol or even dadah, he will often neglect his duties to his wife and maybe even abuse her.

I don't know. Is our BN husband a corruption-holic? Has the dadah of money politics and cronyism gone too deep into his system? Or can he be rehabilitated? We hope against hope. We still love our husband. But the problem with dadah addicts is that they will do anything to get their fix - swindle, steal, sweet-talk, twist-talk whatever-lah. And maybe that’s why we are getting cases like 30 mystery people registered as voters in some tiny house and 8,666 people over age 100 STILL registered as voters (as reported in even the Umno-owned New Straits Times last Friday).

Story of our football

And because he needs his fix no matter what, maybe that’s why our husband tells us, ‘Don't you dare go running to that lousy boyfriend with his fancy talk. He doesn't know nuts about managing family finances.’ Is our husband a better manager? In 2006, foreign direct investment (FDI) into Malaysia was US$3.5 billion whereas Singapore (which has got nothing except people's skills) got US$30 billion! These are figures from Unctad (United Nations Conference on Trade and Development) although perhaps Rafidah Aziz and Pak Lah will goreng some ‘tastier’ statistics for us.

Would you blame foreign investors if they want to invest in our island neighbour (despite the higher costs) because crime and corruption does not run rampant there? In the early 1960s, each Malaysian (on average) was three times richer than a Korean. By 2004, the figure was reversed and we were three times poorer than a Korean! Where are we heading? What is going wrong?

Maybe it's like the story of our football. We were once an equal challenger to South Korea during the Merdeka Football Tournaments of the 1970's. Since then, South Korea has entered the World Cup semi-finals (in 2002) while our FIFA football ranking is currently a miserable 165th in the world. So what's the connection to our BN husband? For the past two decades, most of the state Football Associations (FA's) have been controlled by the menteri besar (or other BN politician) of the respective state.

The same tired old stories keep appearing in newspaper sports pages. Instead of choosing the best players, there are allegations of cronyism and favouritism. Instead of developing youngsters' talents, there is politicking. Despite the big money sponsorships, some state FAs have been almost bankrupt while players' salaries are unpaid. If the BN leaders can mismanage football so badly, what will they do to our country? Can our husband take care of our children's future? Give us the sweet ‘Security, Peace and Prosperity’ of his manifesto?

In 1995, Malaysia was the sixth largest receiver of FDI in the world. Ten years later, we have fallen way behind to 62nd place. Even Thailand, Vietnam and Indonesia are doing better than us in FDI. Last year our husband told us, ‘Sorry honey, but I gotta raise the price of petrol ‘cos I need RM5 billion to develop our home.’ He even spent lots of money putting up huge ‘Subsidi Kurang, Pembangunan Lebih’ billboards all over the place. Okay, so where did that RM5billion go to?

Maybe some of it went to the RM270 million ‘world's largest court complex’ in Jalan Duta, KL? Last year, there were reports of collapsed ceilings, cracking walls and faulty toilets. Cases had to be postponed due to air-conditioning breakdowns and power disruptions. A burst water pipe

flooded the cafeteria. How much profit did the main crony contractor make after cutting all the corners? Didn't Pak Lah promise us five years ago no more ‘First World infrastructure with a Third World mentality’?

In total poetic irony, a sewerage manhole in the basement storeroom overflowed, covering court files with, yep, you got it right. It's a perfect symbol of Malaysia. The world's biggest court building for the world's smallest-hearted justice system where, as lawyers say, cases are ‘won by the cheque book, not the law book’. Is the ‘correct, correct, correct’ circus just an entertaining sideshow? Maybe. But one day we'll stop laughing when a company causes a landslide disaster like Highland Towers (in 1993) behind our homes.

‘Goyang kaki, gaji buta’

Want to sue? Forget it, the company you want to sue has already given the judge a handphone, a bungalow and a luxury New Zealand holiday. Incidentally, did you know that Malaysia’s highest court decided two years ago that the Majlis Perbandaran Ampang Jaya (which approved the disastrous development which led to the Highland Towers tragedy) did not have to pay a single sen of compensation? That's the kind of ‘development’ our husband has been giving us.

On the other hand, our boyfriend gives us an ‘impractical’ and ‘unrealistic’ alternative that will cost nothing. Set up an impartial Judicial Commission - to monitor judges to ensure they are not promoted through VK Lingam's or Vincent Tan's bribes. It's about the governing system, not some fancy buildings with a shit-filled basement. Simple.

It's not just about spending RM5 billion corruptly. We know how the petrol price hike caused the prices of everything to shoot up but we trusted our husband when he said we must tahan (endure) and be sabar (patient) because it was ‘good for the economy’.Was it really? High-tech factories are leaving Penang for cheaper places like Vietnam and China. So why on earth did our husband want to make Malaysia a more expensive place to do business?

Even worse, the petrol price rise took away (at least) RM5 billion of the people's consumer spending power - because we had to pay more for petrol and diesel. Now, consider this. Which is better? To have 25 million (mainly lower and middle-class) Malaysians spending RM5 billion to stimulate our local economy by buying thousands and thousands of Made-in-Malaysia mee goreng, terrace houses and Proton cars?

Or to have our ‘efficient’ government do ‘development’ projects where they spend that RM5 billion on the world's largest crap-justice courthouse and various half-assed ‘growth corridors’ where a few dozen cronies will make millions by goyang kaki and gaji buta? What do cronies spend on? Local products? Or Australian ranches? Country houses in England? Mansions gleaming with Italian marble?

You can bet those guys won't be buying a Proton anytime soon - unless they are campaigning in the kampung as election candidates. And their Datin wives will be ‘helping’ the Malaysian economy by flying off to Paris and London to get the latest Gucci or Chanel handbags at ‘only’ RM10,000 each.

Read Part One and Part Three

EDWARD BERUANG is a pseudonym. The writer likes to look at politics with some humour and a twist of limau every now and then.