SOME people say sex without love is not worth the effort and some may find it as exciting and adventurous as climbing Mount Everest. Which category do you fall into?

Is it possible to treat sex like a form of sport, to unwind and share that intimate moment in time, without actually going through the complications and expectations of a relationship.

All religions prohibit sex before marriages and Islam clearly states that pre-marital sex is one of the religion's biggest sins even if it is between two consenting adults. But let's not go down the religious path and examine the pros and cons of having pre-marital sex and its impact to society and maybe to understand whether or not both can be separated. Only you can be a judge of this.

In a deep relationship between a man and woman, sex will definitely play a role. To how vital it will be, will depend on the individuals and what the relationships is based upon.

When I was in college, there were a number of women in our group of friends. We used to go dancing, concerts, lunches and dinners but I did not have sex with any of them. I was a good boy or in another way of seeing the picture, not the kind of material women would flirt with.

When I related these friendships with some of my friends who actually had intimate relationships with their girlfriends, I must say that they did find it hard to believe me. Or that it is possible to hang out with people of the opposite sex without actually having sex.

About love and commitment

One close friend of mine actually concluded that his relationship with his girlfriend is actually just sex and nothing else. We started arguing when he actually said all couples holding hands do have sex or do intend to have sex with one another some day. Whether it is every day, twice a week or once a month, sex will definitely play a role in that relationship.

If I want to buy a RM100 pair of shoes, or even a new pair of pair of jeans, shirt etc, that will probable last me a couple of years, if I am lucky. I will try it on and make sure that it actually fits, the more expensive it is, the more the tries.

What about a binding relationship that is suppose to last forever. Won't it go through its trials and errors? What happens if sex is a big part of a relationship only to realise after marriage that it does not fit?

No, we can't compare between clothing and marriage, a big part of marriage is about love, commitment and compromise and not just sex. Sex itself is a huge taboo issue ranging from the art of making love to various positions one can experience but that is not what I am relating to. Is it possible to have sex before marriage to enhance future relationships or to be able to treat sex like a sport, sharing the spontaneous moments?

Like every other aspect of life, all experiences are better achieved with knowledge and responsibility. Knowledge about Aids and other sexual transmitted diseases will help when encountering such experiences and never leave home without a rubber. Always use condoms. No matter how much it lessens the pleasure, condoms is a must. Although not a hundred percent, it does significantly reduce the chances for capturing any unwanted diseases and to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It would definitely be a bonus if both parties subject themselves to a full medical checkup before proceeding further. It really boggles my mind on how some would succumb themselves to a short time pleasure knowing the risk to life would be enormous.

Pre-marital sex is quite common in Malaysia. Although religion and culture strictly prohibit this, it seems to be a must-try experience among youths and young working adults as it's motivated by movies, websites and observing other couples.

Magical bonding

Marriage is definitely a magical bonding. Why I use the term 'magic' is that a couple would eventually know whether they would spending the rest of their lives with each other. It's magic because some couple may realize it within days, some months and some even years. Some may not even find that magical bond but consent to marriage due to other factors such as family pressures or other obligations but if statistics were carried out, the ratio of these compared to consenting adults would probably be minute.

To accept marriage is to be able to accept the other person as a whole. To enjoy the strengths of the relationship and also to embrace its weaknesses. Once a common footing is found, the journey can be fulfilling provided both parties are truly sincere.

Not many youths and young adults are prone to accept responsibility at an early age. It's a very sad state of mind that if not cautious can lead to irreversible mistakes. This is one of the main reasons why sex before marriage is very dangerous and if executed, much care has to be emphasised.

Lastly, sex does play an important role to bind two people together. Whether this is going to be shared with someone you love, or to be a sport, it's entirely up to the individuals involved.

Whatever decision one makes, there will always be pros and cons and much responsibility involved. For the guy, it is easy to flirt and have sex but the woman has more to lose in indulging in pre-marital sex.

Which direction would you choose - sex as a sport, or sex as a special bond with someone you truly love?

ABDUL MALIK HUSSEIN is an engineer with a multi-national company in Kuala Lumpur. Comments can reach Rentakini by emailing francis@malaysiakini.com