What a puzzling, perplexing, crazy mixed-up week it's been, even by Malaysian standards.

Deputy Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak kicked off the confusion in his speech when opening an international conference on the 'Role of Islamic states in a Globalised World' with the statement that Malaysia is an Islamic state.

"Islam is the official religion and we are an Islamic state," he said.

Actually the phrase Najib used was negara Islam, which some linguists have pointed out could be translated into English as either 'Islamic nation' or 'Islamic state'.

But many local commentators and politicians have seized on the latter interpretation, with all its dire theocratic implications, and stridently expressed their disagreement.

Their dissenting points of view were generally in line with that of MCA secretary-general Ong Ka Chuan, who claimed that "the documents which formed the basis of the country's independence clearly stated that Malaysia was a secular state", and that a Supreme Court decision in 1988 had confirmed this.

Ever ready to play the wira in preference to employing his wits, Education Minister and Umno Youth chief Hishammuddin Hussein countered with comments reminiscent of his famous keris-waving performance: "I am giving a warning to MCA leaders to stop such statements. I would like to stress that I am not a nave leader and will not allow this matter to continue. My warning is to stop making such statements."

And the internal security ministry issued a directive to all media outlets to stop reporting on the matter because, as publications control and Al-Quran texts unit director Che Din Yusof explained, "Islam is a sensitive issue" and discussions would cause "tensions".

All of which, whatever kind of state Malaysia happens to be, seems confusingly at odds with the five goals of the Rukunegara, which as I read somewhere recently are to create a united, just, democratic, liberal and progressive nation.

Utter confusion

Compounding the state of confusion was the uncertainty surrounding the question of whether citizens who have yet to change their identity card (IC) to the MyKad are eligible to vote.

Following an outcry caused by the news that the Electoral Commission (EC) intended to drop voters using the IC from the electoral roll, EC chairperson Abdul Rashid Abdul Rahman "clarified" the issue by explaining that this was directed only at 22,433 individuals whose citizenship is in doubt because they do not "exist" in the National Registration Department (NRD) database.

Rashid added that these individuals' names were on display and that they had until (yesterday) to show proof of citizenship to the EC. Meanwhile, NRD public relations officer Jainisah Mohd Noor said she did not wish to comment on the discrepancy between its database and that of the EC.

Home Minister Mohd Radzi Sheikh Ahmad then said no deadline had been set for people to change their IC to MyKad, adding that the 330,000 people who have yet to do so are mostly "elderly folks, mental patients and drug addicts in rehabilitation centres".

In other words, as I understand him to mean, they're the kind of people who are as hopelessly confused as I am. But not as confused, surely, as the home ministry appears to be in its statistics on Malaysians who have surrendered their citizenship.

According to a story on July 21 in that fount of all truth and wisdom concerning the activities of the incumbent government, the New Straits Times, Deputy Home Minister Tan Chai Ho said his statement in the paper on July 10 - that 106,000 Malaysians had surrendered their citizenship in the last 11 years - was wrong, and that the time period specified should have been "since independence".

Tan said the mistake had arisen because his officer had been in a hurry to give him the number and had mixed up the dates. But the officer got a lot more than his dates wrong, apparently, as Tan's breakdown by race of those who had surrendered their citizenship had been 79,199 Malays, 25,107 Chinese and 1,347 Indians.

But, as the NST faithfully reported less than two weeks later, Home Minister Mohd Radzi Sheikh Ahmad gave wildly different figures of 10,411 Malays, 86,708 Chinese, 8,667 Indians and 847 of other races.

Confused? I certainly hope you are by now, as I'd hate to be all alone in my muddled state of mind.

Test of reason

But in case things are still as clear as crystal to you, while to me they're about as clear as Klang River water or Malaysian air at the height of the haze season, here are two more items to test your powers of reason.

According to malaysiakini, treasury secretary-general Dr Wan Abd Aziz Wan Abdullah wrote a letter dated April 2 to ministry general secretaries, federal department heads, state secretaries and local councils stating that "at this point in time, Pro-Landscape Structure Sdn Bhd is the only company registered with the Finance Ministry as a bumiputera manufacturer of children's playground equipment", thereby effectively giving the company exclusive access to a market worth an estimated RM50+ million per year.

However, following an outcry from the industry and politicians including DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng, assistant to the government procurement deputy secretary Zaleha Yusof has now announced that "the letter is no longer relevant".

This puzzling see-sawing of fortunes in the playground equipment field was quickly followed by strange goings-on in the playground itself.

Clearly deeply confused as to the distinction between discipline and child abuse, Wee Yim Pen, warden of SMK Bawang Assan in Sarawak, forced 170 female students to squat in a pond for 30 minutes as a penalty for clogging school toilets by repeatedly disposing of sanitary pads in them instead of in the dustbins provided.

I could give you examples of brain-boggling events in greater profusion, but it's time I got around to my conclusion - which is that, whether Malaysia is an Islamic state or a secular state, or both simultaneously, or neither, or just one gigantic illusion, it's a pity that so many people seem to be working, both alone and in collusion, to keep it in a state of confusion.