According the UK Daily Telegraph, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il disappeared from international view a month ago, possibly due to a worsening of his known heart condition.

Prior to absenting himself from the scene, the paper reported, the "Dear Leader" could recently "barely walk 30 metres and had to be accompanied by an assistant carrying a chair so that he could sit and catch his breath."

North Korea-watchers are reportedly alarmed at the possibility of Kim's debility or death, fearing that his political or physical demise may be followed by a bloody struggle for power, with the threat of a nuclear war as the worst-case scenario if hard-liners come out on top, or, almost as catastrophic, a complete collapse of the country followed by total chaos and a massive refugee crisis.

Such concerns may be premature, however, according to Jang Sung-min, a member of the Foreign Affairs Trade Committee in the South Korean National Assembly who recently returned from a visit to Pyongyang.

Jang said that he personally considered Kim's "disappearance" to be more likely a strategic ploy as part of efforts to pressure the US into releasing the $25 million that have been frozen for some time in Macau following accusations of money counterfeiting and laundering by the North Korean regime.

But physically unwell or otherwise, Kim Jong-il has long seemed as mentally, morally and ethically diseased as most dictators appear to be. And the case of the US$25 million highlights the fact that as a leader he's been he's been "Dear" not in the sense of "beloved" that his well-known sobriquet is clearly intended to convey, but "Dear" as in "very costly".

In fact, considering the crippling price his Chosun people have paid for his premiership, "Ruinously Expensive Leader" or "The Kind of Leader No Country On Earth Could Conceivably Afford" might be somewhere nearer the mark.

A stark comparison

Because his rule, following that of his father Kim Il Sung, formerly known as the "Great Leader" and promoted post-mortem to "Eternal Leader", seems to have cost North Korea everything but the funds required to continue pretending to fight a war that it lost almost 50 years ago.

Other than that, there's not a great deal left. For years his country has languished in a continual state of famine and every other medieval misery characteristic of totalitarian states, and has perennially had to appeal to better-managed nations for handouts of funds, food and fertiliser.

All the while heaping ordure on South Korea (Republic of Korea) which, with the considerable help of United Nations forces, so long ago defeated the North's China-sponsored and Soviet-aided attempts to take it over, and has ever since been really making hay.

Not to mention Hyundais, TV sets, computer chips and a great deal of other stuff, plus the ships in which to export most of it to the rest of the world. And it has even, after many years of authoritarianism under a series of vicious military regimes, finally achieved something close to freedom and democracy.

For a stark comparison between the two Koreas today, here are some reasonably up-to-date statistics (see chart).

As you see, life expectancy in the North is 22 years less than in the South. But what with the poverty, famines parades and very strict rules and all, I'll bet it seems much longer.

South Korea, appropriately enough, given its military, political and economic victories over the North, boasts a currency called the "won".

The North's currency is also called a "won", but what with its Leader being as dear/expensive as he is, and the fact that cash is in very short supply and in any case there's nothing to buy with it, you could be forgiven for thinking of it as the "lost".

Somebody in North Korea must have located some loot, however, because it spends a fortune on weapons, both conventional and, as all the world knows by now, nuclear. And the nation's armed forces have been entertaining themselves at the expense of nervous neighbours like South Korea and Japan by testing nuclear devices and missiles designed to carry them to either close or more distant targets.

America's puppets

China, possibly North Korea's last remaining official friend and supporter since the collapse of the USSR, obviously doesn't feel any more threatened by these posturings than it's moved to compassion by the pitiful state of Kim Jong-il's subjects.

But the spectre of a potential flood of these wretches over the border instead of the trickle of them currently seeking refuge in its territory, plus the desire to avoid nuclear war, has persuaded China to participate in the so-called "Six-Party Talks" convened to try and resolve the stand-off between North Korea and the U.S. and countries that the Kim Jong-il crowd calls "America's puppets".

But from what I've seen on TV of North Korea's lavishly-staged official "celebrations" and military displays, the real and rather pathetic puppets are those thousands of moppets who've been drilled within an inch of their lives in songs and dances extolling the virtues and achievements of their Dear Leader, all for his purpose of sustaining the ludicrous charade designed to buy him more aid and trade.

Unless of course I totally underestimate his ambitions. Whether he's physically ailing or not, maybe the catastrophically costly Kim Jong-il is even more mentally unwell than I've previously given him credit for, and is actually entertaining the fantasy of conquering the South and uniting all Korea under Communism with himself as Head of State.

And why wouldn't he? Imagine the thrill it would be to go down as the first Dear Leader in the dismal history of Communism to be justified in dubbing himself "The Life and Seoul of The Party".