Many Malaysians have recently been rendered almost speechless with rage by stupid remarks made by various public figures. But they can take some comfort from the fact that what's commonly referred to as 'foot-in-mouth' disease is by no means confined to this country, and in fact local vocal efforts have been eclipsed of late by some truly inspired international performances.

Though Malaysia has continued to score highly, I grant you, in the sucking-up-to-the-boss department, thanks to last week's offering by sports ministry deputy director-general Madzrib Ibrahim.

Praising Youth and Sports minister Azalina Othman for planning to visit the Mt Everest base camp to present the Jalur Gemilang to a team engaged in the latest Malaysian publicity stunt, Madzrib reportedly raved to Bernama reporters that "We hope to put her name in the Malaysian Book of Records as the first minister and the first female minister to set foot at the base camp".

Fulamak..what an amazing feat! And if Azalina's flying visit lasts long enough, perhaps she can also make the Malaysian Book of Records as the first minister to bocor (in the sense of urinate, I hasten to explain, as parliamentarians Mohd Said Yusof and Bung Mokhtar Radin so convincingly did in justifying their notorious remarks to fellow MP Fong Po Kuan) at the base camp.

But however brief, prolonged or productive of records her stay there may prove, the climatic conditions at base camp should be freezing enough to ensure that Azalina is extremely modestly attired in full mountaineering outfit.

And thank goodness for that, because back here at home base two BN members of the Penang state assembly, Shabudin Yahaya and Jasmin Mohamed, have been shooting their mouths off on that apparently perennial topic of women causing sex crimes by dressing provocatively.

As if we hadn't heard enough world-class comments on the subject from a wide variety of experts on the connection between female fashion and fornication, notably Kelantan Menteri Besar Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat, who has famously urged Muslim women not to wear lipstick lest it arouse men to rape, and declared that women dressed indecently are contributing to a rise in the incidence of sexual offences.

Verbal atrocities

But as high a standard of oral idiocy as Malaysian personages have displayed in the past, and strive to sustain in the present, nothing any of them has said in recent weeks surpasses the breathtaking blondness of bratty bimbette Paris Hilton's claim that she shouldn't be jailed for 45 days for violating the terms of her probation on suspended sentences for drunk-driving convictions, on the grounds that she brings "beauty and excitement to other peoples' lives".

In my opinion Paris' air-headed outburst didn't win her first prize, however, but rather revealed why she's more famous for the scantiness of her costumes and the scattiness of her behaviour than anything to do with sentient speech. And in any event she was completely outclassed in the silly statements department by a modestly-clad, highly dignified elderly male celebrity whose devotees hang on his every word: the Pope.

Don't go getting me wrong here. As irreligious as I may be, I'm not anti-Christian. In fact I was born and raised a Catholic. But for the earthly head of the entire organisation to travel to Brazil and have the effrontery to falsely declare that Catholicism wasn't forced on the indigenous people of the Americas, but that they'd been positively "looking forward to it" struck me as the most outrageous remark I've heard from a public figure in living memory.

Here was the cleric who, having only recently attempted to absolve himself of branding Islam as violent, was now attempting to deny the terrible crimes committed in the name of Catholicism on the 'Indians' of South and Central America by the conquistadores from Spain and Portugal.

Far from "looking forward" to Catholicism, the Aztecs, Incas and other indigenous peoples of the region had never - and by definition could never have - so much as heard of this or any other kind of Christianity before they were 'discovered' by Europeans.

And even if they had, they would hardly have looked forward to their subsequent conversion to the way of the Cross by bribery, trickery, torture and the threat of being put to the sword. What possessed the Pontiff to slander history so shamelessly, I can't begin to guess. Maybe he's making it his mission in life to outdo extremists in other religions in the outrageous remarks arena.

But all he is achieving, unfortunately, is to remind us - or me, at least - that in matters of persecution, terrorism and bloodshed, Christianity has historically made Islam look like the religion of peace that many believe and declare it to be.
The 'crusades' waged by European Catholics in the Holy Land, the Spanish Inquisition, the terrible persecutions of Catholics by Protestants and Protestants by Catholics over the centuries, and the murderous campaigns to impose various Christian creeds on 'natives' all over the 'new' world in the Americas, Africa and Asia have been a disgrace to the very name of Jesus Christ and all he is supposed to have stood for.

Such a litany of blood-lust in the name of Christianity doesn't excuse present-day terrorism by a small minority of fanatics from Islam and other faiths, of course. But it certainly compares highly unfavourably with the religious tolerance of the Ottoman Empire, for example, or of the great Arab Empire that stretched from the Middle East to Spain for several centuries.

All of which goes to explain why, when it's come to verbal atrocities lately, despite all the best efforts of Malaysian contenders Madzrib, Mohd Said, Bung Mokhtar, Shabudin, Jasmin - and many others I've no doubt missed - and a nice try by the lovely Paris, His Holiness Pope Benedict's effort has been by far the most unspeakable.