Alvin Straight, the man who trekked 240 miles on a tractor and immortalized in David Lynch's 1999 'The Straight Story' was once asked, "What's the worst thing about being old?" Straight answered, "The worst part of being old, is remembering when you were young." Looking back at the year past is a bit like that. It has tendencies to have you wallowing in what might-have-beens instead of focusing on the good stuff. 2005 was one of those years that made it much more easier to do the former than the latter. Perhaps there be silver lining in them clouds, but friggin' 'eck, that's a lot of searching around I've got to do.

2005 was a weird, weird year. One that started off smooth sailing for me, then out of nowhere a freak storm hit. But the beauty of it all, those freak winds took me further than I ever thought I could go; and dare I say it, I am ending the year on a note that is much higher than I could have envisioned when it all began. I know. I'm being cryptic. That is intentional. You may find this in future episodes should you choose to stay tuned.

Boundaries

Truth be told, I am so not good at writing pieces that talks about things surrounding my own personal perimeter. Especially when I know it is being unleashed onto an unsuspecting audience. It's a condition. I am being medicated, thank you. So maybe I should steer unto more neutral waters and reflect on the year past on a more global scale instead.

The world was chaotic in 2005, wasn't it? Some predictably happened and man-made, others disasters of a natural origin. It seemed as if just as the world was beginning to recover from one tragedy, another struck. Many in Asia began 2005 picking up the debris literally and metaphorically in the aftermath of the tsunami. Even before they could begin to think about the idea of recovering, another earthquake struck Sumatera in March; one struck Iran just a month earlier. Just as things began to settle down, London was rocked by the 7/7 bombs; hitting one landmark too close to home for myself. Hurricane Katrina devastated the American South in August. Another suicide bomb in Bali in September. An earthquake in Pakistan and India a month later. If it wasn't one thing, it was another.

Of course, not to mention another four letter word: Iraq. It has been two years and nine months since Iraq was attacked, two years and eight months since Baghdad fell, and two years and almost a month since Saddam Hussein was captured alive (how convenient). Yet everyone there still lives in fear; perhaps a different fear compared to what they experienced under Saddam's regime, but fear is fear: it keeps you awake at night and eats you from the inside. That is, if you live long enough to not be blown to bits. Palestine. Afghanistan. I could go on (but I was told there was a word limit on this). It's hard not to lament the year gone by.

God, that was depressing. But maybe it's all good. Maybe we have hit rock bottom with all this; and the good thing about hitting that low is that anything else would be an improvement. Yes, there is no other way to go but up. Perhaps musing on the year yet unseen could perk spirits up a bit. And perhaps this is a good time to let you know that as you read this, my geographical position might be somewhat betraying the spirit in which this column is to be written that is, the musings and thoughts of a postgraduate student living abroad (yes, there actually is a point to all of this). I am home for the next few weeks, should the need to send hate mail my way arise (although even by my standards, that is a tad ambitious given this is entry numero uno).

New hopes

Part of the reason why I am home for the coming weeks has a lot to do with what 2006 has in store for us or at least, what we have planned. 2006 sees me trying to find my roots and do something about a dream I always had. 2006 sees my sister getting married, and therefore officially being the first baby bird to flee the nest. That is, my younger sister, cue the fielding of the inevitable question thrust in my face come her wedding day. 2006 also sees my brother jetting off to pastures anew for his undergraduate degree although at the moment it is still yet unclear in which hemisphere he will be. My parents hope that wherever he ends up, he does not follow in the footsteps of their firstborn and decide not to come home (yet). We are all moving on. This is as much a
hello as it is a goodbye.

Still, I know what I want for 2006 though. World peace. No, really. But of course that will never happen unless those UFOs people keep spotting are actually pigs with wings; so I'll settle for seeing more justice, tolerance and fairness in this forthcoming year than the year past. Even for just one more extra person; so that when it comes to 31 December 2006, when the tallies are added up the scales are tipped in favour, even if by that one, solitary point. Even if the measure of this success is to have made one life breathed easier, or so goes the words once attributed to Emerson.

Happy new year

I have never really had any real new year resolutions; partly because my lack of ability to commit to anything extends to promises made to myself. My perennial wish as a year begins : Gregorian, Islamic or Idlanian (that is, the one where New Year's Eve is celebrated on 21 June) is that both spiritually and physically, I hope this year is better than the last in terms of things that I can control; in the same sense that one starts every day with the wish that it betters yesterday, and will be bettered by tommorow. Last year I verbalized this with Steinbeck's quote: "It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world." I have yet to find something equally arty farty for 2006.

And finally, so that I may spoil your festivities in true bah humbug fashion have you realised that there is scant meaning to a new year, apart from being a marker of sorts? At some point someone made a choice to follow a particular calendar, and in true spirit of globalisation before its time, others followed suit. It could well be the year 1427 if we were following the Hijriah calendar.. 5777 for the Jews.. and I've lost count of the years in the Chinese calendar. Which makes 1 January 2006 nothing more than the day that comes 365 days after 1 January 2005.

There, how's that for rain on your new year parade?

And on that note, I hope 2006 treats you well.

IDLAN ZAKARIA is pursuing her PhD in the UK. She would like to become a postman one day, and write in the evenings.