Was it Abraham Lincoln who left us with the maxim that everybody should be responsible for his own face after 30?

Well, with due respect to the great man, I cannot think of a Westerner who can really understand the intricate Asian game of giving, taking and saving face. Neither can they appreciate fully the value of manipulating that part of the human anatomy in all sorts of social and political interactions, from intimate relationships to affairs of state. Orientalist commentators on Asian politics are more than likely to sneer at this uniquely eastern cultural practice as mere hypocrisy.

The phenomenon of face is everywhere in Malaysia for all to see, except that for the players themselves, they may not be conscious always of actually playing this nebulous delicate game of life and death.

It is tempting to equate face with the Western concept of honour, in the sense of the British gentlemanly or military connotations for instance. There, to "give one's word" is to stake one's entire reputation and integrity on keeping a promise or being truthful.

The ethical demand for keeping promises and not telling lies are pretty universal of course, because they form the unwritten rules of social conduct without which all social relations are impossible. Asians are very big on this as well. In the old days, Chinese businessmen relied on mere verbal agreement for the fulfilment of a business contract, rather than a piece of legal instrument.

For Asians however, giving one's word is slightly more difficult, since words seem to have a legion of malleable shifty hidden meanings in most social contexts, and they can bounce around and reverberate through the deepest recesses of the convoluted bowels of both speaker and the listener.

Foreign visitors, as well as those Malaysians who have been educated and worked abroad for too long, can be exasperated to no end by the way many Malaysians never say what they mean, directly and to the point, in the shortest time possible. Socialising or doing business in Malaysia, they get impatient about having to go through the lengthy prologue of niceties, followed by the meandering discourse which can be understood, only if you have mastered the art of reading (or listening) between the lines.

As the great philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein proposed, any language is a form of life, and the meaning of any word lies in its context. The Malaysian game of speaking around the corners, negotiating through oblique twists and turns of hints, tales, and references, aided by picturesque gesturing and vivid body language, reflects a form of life that places supreme value on interpersonal and social harmony above all else.

Very noble rules

Face, or the art of giving, demanding and saving face, is the cultural ethos that lubricates the mechanism of getting along with one another within a closely knit communal context and avoiding unnecessary interpersonal friction and aggravation. It is a uniquely Asian virtue that ensures social harmony better than any legal constrain. Above all, it gives their daily social intercourse a rich tapestry of civilised urbane heart-warming bond of brotherhood - or sisterhood.

Orientalists might want to think that this social game of caring for face has no rules at all. Actually there are some very noble rules. For instance, whenever you interact with another human being, the cardinal rule of face-consciousness demands that you respect his person, his dignity, and his feelings. The greatest crime against social grace is being abrasive. This applies especially to people of some status, the aged, the distinguished, the rich, and the learned. Face is about etiquette, politeness, and good breeding.

Like all good social virtues of course, this fuss about face has often been abused, especially in a rapidly changing society like ours, where what has been good in traditions runs the risks of being distorted and corrupted.

For instance, the half century of our nation's independence has produced a whole new class of new money and new power, all craving for the face that they did not previously possess, and which they may not always deserve.

Money and power are carnivorous; they tend to consume the soul of those who acquire them in large measures. The more the rich and powerful have them, the more they need a bigger fix of face.

A titled big face

I am talking about this mad scramble among some Malaysians for those innumerable titles bestowed by the state. Unlike in England, we have only life peers, those people who achieve instant social status by being awarded the titles of Tun, Tan Sri, and Datuks of various classes. With very rare exceptions, the titled people are wealthy, and therefore powerful to various degrees.

They pursue the big face implied by a title, and so demand proper face be given to their elevated social status. You simply have to assume that titled people would be offended if you do not address them according to official protocol. Naturally they also expect preferential treatment wherever they go.

Being polite people most of the time, Malaysians usually treat their distinguished personages with a great deal of respect. During official functions, the masters of ceremonies and the various speakers will spend an inordinate amount of time addressing the many titled persons present, before getting on with the business at hand. It is both time consuming and boring. It is also quite hysterical, if you know some of the skeletons in their over-staffed closets.

Being Asians with our unique way of life, we tend not to draw a line between personal and public spaces. This emphasis on face has changed both the avatar and the inner soul of our democratic form of political organisations. Things tend to get personal, when you expect good political leaders to not let their personal feelings get into the way of national interest.

A probable reason why the Approved Permits (AP) issue was blown out of proportion could be that some public snipe by a minister against her former boss made him lose face in a big way. He was offended apparently, and no amount of crying and hugging by the offender in public was going to mellow his various gestures in returning the disfavour.

Than, there was this Umno Youth person who held up a keris in the recent most Umno general assembly. The keris has been made into a symbol of Malay glorious past and a declaration of intent for the continuation of Malay dominance in Malaysian politics. By doing so, this important government minister was merely demanding big face for the ideology which he claims to embody. Out of respect for his prominent face, most people just keep quiet, though there must be millions who are seething inside with anger and contempt.

Allow the good to emerge

For the art of giving face, nobody can outdo the media people. Reading the day's newspapers or watching the news on television, the overwhelming tone is one of refined edification of the rich and powerful in the country.

It is unlikely that any abrasive criticism against any of the country's leading citizens in the political and corporate sectors will see print, simply because that would be giving no face to people who matter and who demand face. People who dream of a media offering a lively forum for a civil society in Malaysia will remain disappointed for many decades to come.

Perhaps this social virtue of giving face, when transplanted to the political arena, will impede the development of good democratic values.

After all, the Westminster model of parliamentary democracy that we have transplanted to our tropical soil evolved out of an adversarial tradition in an alien soil. There, the parliament, the court and the press work best when there are open direct confrontations of diverse and even opposing views. There is a long philosophical vein running through the Western culture that out of conflicts and contradictions, some form of good may emerge.

Good governance, administrative transparency, and an open society require public clashes of conflicting views - and the right attitude among all the players who will regard these differences of opinions as nothing personal.

In Malaysian politics, where everything in affairs of state is personal, and face counts supreme in public morality, distinguished citizens of various grades are easily offended, either on their own behalf, or on behalf of their respective race and religion. They are so 'sensitive" that they see the shadow of insults behind every tree.

These are the people with tremendous power of the State, to protect their own sensitivities, and the sensitivities of the various ethnic communities which they claim to represent. They will never hesitate to clamp down hard on critics who dare to pry open the batik curtain and stir up debate about what lies inside those over-stuffed closets.

The Asian idea of giving and saving face is a virtue in the private sphere, but it must stay there. In the public domain, if we wish to see the better potentials of democratic practice bloom and flower, then perhaps, Malaysians must begin to learn not to give too much face.