COMMENT | Our wise and intelligent Agriculture and Agro-based Industry Minister Ahmad Shabery Cheek was recently quoted as saying in Parliament that the Malaysian government is looking at conducting detailed studies on claims that durians have aphrodisiac value which could stimulate sexual desire or horniness, much beneficial to men.

Apparently, a friend of the minister had told him so.

According to Ahmad Shabery (photo), many studies conducted all around the world have shown that the durian has plenty of health benefits and is one of the most nutritious fruits in the world.

Apparently a study from Thailand showed that the durian has higher antioxidants and has polysaccharide gel that helps stimulate the immune systems to reduce cholesterol; a study from China showed that the durian skin has analgesic and antibiotic properties that help to relieve coughs; and a study from Singapore showed that the durian has high levels of potassium which helps reduce high blood pressure.

While all the experts from numerous countries have conducted studies deemed beneficial to the wellbeing of the people, I suppose Malaysia plans to be the first country in the world to prove that durian does not only make our body “heaty” upon consumption, but also leaves us in heat.

A wonderful proposition

With this new discovery waiting to happen, “Tongkat Ali”, “Kopi Misai”, “Kopi Panggung” and “Jamu Tanduk Rusa” will soon be easily overtaken by “Musang King”, “Udang Merah”, “Li Pan” and “D24”.

Bravo!

What a fabulous topic to be discussed in Parliament, eh? Clearly, increasing one’s libido is very essential in improving the wellbeing and the quality of lives among our dear Malaysians.

After all, what better way to get Malaysians to stop talking about boring issues such as corruption, Islamophobia, elections and natural disasters than to get them busy in bed?

Furthermore, based on the information given by Ahmad Shabery’s dearest friend, I am sure we can ship more than the 5000 kilogrammes of durian we exported to China earlier this month.

And with the Chinese’s libidos at peak levels, I bet the Malaysia-China friendship will be much stronger in the years to come – and so will our economy. Yay!

Perhaps we can also consider pairing up our famous durian-flavoured condoms with the actual fruit. Wouldn’t that be a double whammy?

And if the research on the aphrodisiac value of durians comes back positive, maybe we could say goodbye to oil palm and say hello to durians.

This is absolutely wonderful, isn’t it? Just imagine what it could do for erectile dysfunction patients all over the world.  

I can foresee a future where we no longer say, “An apple a day keeps the doctors away” – instead, we shall all say, “A Musang King a day makes the wife say hooray.”

Beware durian’s negative effects

However, with all the good things, we must also bear in mind of the negative effects of the durian.

To be honest, one question which keeps popping into my mind is: “Do we really need to make men hornier?”

Seriously, if you ask me, our Malaysian men are already way too horny – having more than one wife, marrying young children, rape, incest and not to mention being overproductive in the baby-popping department. Heck, they even want to do it on camels!

Surely consuming durian is just going to make things worse.

For example, a man in his 50s was recently caught after residents in Klang complained of missing undergarments - the man had with him 83 bras and 33 pieces of underwear. If you ask me, I’d say the man must have had way too many durians to make him do such a thing.

So you see, if consuming durians can really increase a man’s sexual desire, it is of utmost importance that we take some precautions.

Perhaps Ahmad Shabery should suggest that our religious authorities introduce new rulings prohibiting unmarried men from consuming durian and ensuring that married men can only consume durian with their spouses in the comfort of their homes.

At the same time, to control the statistics of teenage pregnancies and baby dumping, we should also ban durians for anyone under 18.

Anyway, I am sure men all over Malaysia would be pretty excited about this wonderful effort by our government.

However, being a female, it doesn’t do much for me nor my libido. But hey, don’t worry about us women – bananas and cucumbers do the job pretty well too.

FA ABDUL is a passionate storyteller, a growing media trainer, an aspiring playwright, a regular director, a struggling producer, a self-acclaimed photographer, an expert Facebooker, a lazy blogger, a part-time queen and a full-time vainpot.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.