I open my laptop to read the many e-mails I have yet to read. It is time to unsubscribe myself from a few mailing lists, as I don't even time to read most of them these days.

I find two emails from a friend and cousins about strange things happening in Brunei and Oman. The video of the exorcism in Brunei frightens me at 2 in the morning it's worse than The Exorcist. The Oman email is another revelation by itself.

Rodent girl

According to the email, a young girl refused to switch off the television while her mother read the Quran. They argued and the girl grabbed the Quran and threw the holy book onto the floor. Her mother rescued and held onto the Book when the daughter fell to the floor and changed into a rodent like being. The rodent girl was now in a hospital (why not a zoo?). Do not disobey your parents, you heathen children!

In a loose sense, this is an analogy for discipline. Remember when you were a child, if you didn't finish your plate of rice, your mother told you that when you died, the rice pellets would cry at your grave? If you didn't touch them on the plate, they'd end up crying in the tong sampah, and the rest of the night, you of course would refuse to eat the rice because you were too frightened to eat it. Imagine if your steak moo-ed at you. .

I read the many responses to the Oman email; everyone is educated, speaks English and Malay fluently, works in established corporations and all hail the sign of God's destruction on those that have strayed. Then one email pops into my inbox to end the martyr-like nonsense:

HI ALL..... CERITA SENSASI YOU TU CERITA TIPU YANG MEMPERSENDAKAN AL-QURAN LAH.... KENA HATI-HATI KALAU DAPAT BERITA...

The rodent girl was actually a piece of a series of sculpture by Patricia Piccinini. So there you have it: proof that it's all a hoax.

I am reminded of an e-mail I was sent months back from a friend, 'kaum Melayu memandang rendah terhadap (she listed many things, one of them poverty)' (...the Malay race looks down on many things such as... ) and what hits me finally is that we, as a race, are driven by fear.

Fear of the loss of face/status/wealth.
Fear that misfortune will befall upon us, hence we must impose our terror on others.

The poet RA and I once had a brief chat at an ISTAC seminar, and we talked about the rakyat's belief in black magic.

"It's a demagogue. It is a way of controlling people. We are a still a superstitious nation."

If we Muslims are on the right path and seemingly confident of our ways, why are we scared? Why do we do the things that we do, so as to have order among ourselves?

Seminars, seminars, seminars

Ever since I started this column, I have been attending seminars on Islam. Knowledge and meeting like-minded Muslims are key to the column's well-being.

With the exception of one or two seminars, I have only succeeded in either falling asleep or leaving the seminar, more convinced that indeed, I am truly a bimbo and I should just spend my life shopping.

So I go to the Muslim Professionals Forum's talk on Liberal Islam. The speakers are impressive these are men that have penned many books and articles on Islam. These are individuals that God has blessed with great brains.

Academics, bless them, don't necessarily make good speakers.

My friend that has come along to be educated, falls asleep. When she wakes up, she loudly says, to the irritation of others around us, "Eee Dina, kalau I masuk kuliah dia memang I fail hancur." (If I took this man's classes, I'd fail.) A man behind us politely asks if we girls know the meaning of 'hermeneutics', a word that is bandied about generously by Dr Anis Malik Thoha, the second speaker. I shake my head. I can barely make sense of anything. I am indeed stupid.

Don't worry, I am too, he says.

The last two speakers Adnin Armas and Brother Yahaya Adel Ibrahim wake us up.

Yet the audience is left to their own devices, to figure out whether Liberal Islam is indeed a danger to us. We have been educated on the history of plurality and pluralism, the pedagogy of Liberal Islam, but we leave with some idea of Liberal Islam and we grasp in the dark.

I think to myself: when will I ever find a seminar that gives back to the audience? When will there be a seminar that has speakers that are rooted to the men and women that toil the earth, be it in rural or urban settings, instead of men of letters that rule from scholarly towers and minarets?

My friend and I take the wrong lift on the other end of the building and end up getting lost in Pusat Sains Negara.

"Alamak. Seminar confused, kita pun confused. Kita kat mana ni Dina?"

The road ahead

Some of the participants of the seminar talk about how it is the non-Muslims that respect our values more than our own.

Have you ever had that? They make fun of you if you don't drink, don't have sex, don't go clubbing? When you pray they say alimnya you!

My Chinese friends, when it is time for me to pray, they let me be. They visit after Maghrib. They accept and respect my life.

Pelik kan?

Pelik.

I ask one of them; we are lucky to be in KL whereby we have access to these talks, but what about the rural folks? They go to sekolah pondok. They would not understand all this. Are our fears their fears?

Oh we must get into the kampongs to spread the word!

Hello, we could barely understand the seminars earlier, what makes you think they'll get it?

Actually, what is a Liberal Muslim? We could be deemed as one too. For we are questioning and seeking answers, a man says. These are all labels.

In an earlier presentation, Ustaz Muhammad Uthman El-Muhammady spoke about the authenticity of the Quran. Of how the reciters of the Quran memorised the Holy Book, and this practise goes on to this day. He then gave examples of how non-Muslims gathered the Quran from all over the world, to see if there were discrepancies in grammar, quotation marks, anything to desecrate the Holy Book. In 1933, the Institute for Quranic Research was set up specifically for this. It gathered over 43,000 photocopies of the Quran and at the end of the study, plus minus a few bombings on the Institute (this was the time of the Second World War), they discovered that there was no discrepancy at all. Not in the spelling, structure of verses - they were all the same.

There is only one God, and His Messenger is Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him). There is only one Message.

Why are the Believers not in unison then?

After that, I go home. An afternoon with a trashy magazine on the latest Hollywood scandals will sort the blues away.

DINA ZAMAN apologises for not appearing on the usual day of publication Thursday/Friday. There's only one of her, and so much to do.