Can you honestly recall the last time you opened doors for your loved one? Be it car doors, house doors, or just plain holding the elevator door open; chances are it was quite some time back. Unless of course, if you never did it in the first place, which sort of disqualifies you to read this article any further.

Most of us did our very best to court our (then) girlfriends (now, presumably spouses). Remember those bouquets of flowers, candle-light dinners and perfumeries, given on an almost daily basis? And remember all those sweet promises ala sandiwara Melayu?

Something about wanting to 'pluck the highest stars', 'climb the highest mountains', or, just to make it sound all the more heroic, to 'swim oceans of fire' (now, that's what we should contemplate next in the spirit of Malaysia Boleh. If we can find that fiery ocean, that is). And she, wonder of wonders, believed every word of it.

The point is, invariably, we all make promises. Brazenly, and in the end we never quite manage to make good. The fact that some of the promises are, to begin with, pretty impossible to fulfill certainly does not help.

Never promised you a rose garden

Impossible promises aside, there are also more down-to-earth promises which most of us are still guilty of not fulfilling. Such as taking our partners for granted. Forget the '...lautan api sanggup kurenangi...' part, or even the mere opening or closing of car doors (whether it's a run-down 1999 1.5 GLX Proton Wira or a brand new 2004 1.6 Proton Gen.2).

Or whatever it was that made you so special in her eyes (or vice versa) so as to make her fall for you instead of that 'other guy'. A few years down the line you will forget to wish her Happy Birthday, and not bother springing a surprise party on your umpteenth Wedding Anniversary. When she complains, you impatiently tell her she's being unrealistic.

You no longer buy Old Spice, Poken or Vitalis or whatever it was that made your hair look like MGR, but are now instead content to sprinkle water on it. Your hair now reminds her of Phua Chu Kang, and when you find out that she adores David Beckham's hair, you quickly accuse her of being unfaithful.

She buys you hair cream, shampoo, perfume, Listerine, the list goes on, and gets exasperated when the message doesn't come across. Then when she becomes disheartened, turns off and begins to ignore your bedroom moves which now resemble a lumbering and ashmatic bear at sleep, you say that she is becoming unsexy and boring.

What you do not realise is that you are behaving and smelling like a slab of dead meat, and you expect her to find you sexy. Hey, you da man, you macho stud you. You poor sod. You do not even realise that she honestly needs that Enrique Iglesias poster to keep her awake while making love to you.

So, what happened down the line? You have no answer, other than conveniently blaming it all on work commitments, daily routine, household chores and so on. Your relationship becomes stale; a simple smile becomes a novelty, and stress and tension are the order of the day. The warm relationship is reduced to a mere state of constant endurance; until the day comes when either one or both screams (or, more likely now, sends an SMS) that they want out.

Cars are better than women

This is, decidedly, the most tricky part. It would be much easier if your spouse is a car. When a car breaks down, you don't need to be a genius to do a simple cost computation of whether to repair it, consider it as a total loss, or trade it in for a new one.

When it comes to a love story, with all the hearts and emotions thrown in, it's never a straightforward decision. If the problem is serious, then perhaps it's best to consider other options. But, as in most cases, it just needs some minor repair work, as long as you are willing to endure driving the same car. It'd be cheaper, anyway.

But how to endure having this impossible man for the next 20 years, you ask. Well, look at it this way; your husband may not open doors for you anymore, and forget about sending you flowers to your workplace daily (he can't afford to do so, you know; unless he's a millionaire or happens to be a flower dealer). Look beyond that and you'll notice that he hasn't changed much. He's still your adorable darling, albeit now sporting a spare tyre like a Mitsubishi Pajero V6.

What about you? What are you doing with those ugly curlers during bed time? You dress to kill and flirt with that new Boss of yours at the office tomorrow, but have no qualms frightening the living daylights out of your husband tonight. You are a pontianak personified, and you still expect him to throw himself all over you?

It all needs deep understanding, you see. Don't compare your modest wife to that glamourous leggy secretary at the office who does nothing but apply make-up every five minutes. On the other hand don't compare your husband to that young executive who has all the time in the world to look like Anuar Jane. Or with that Group Managing Director in your public-listed company who has all the money in the world to look and smell nice, and to be equally nice to you.

That would be akin to comparing your old faithful but weather beaten 1988 E34 BMW 520i with a glistening brand new 2004 E65 BMW 745iL model sprawling in that squeaky clean Naza Motors showroom.

So then, perhaps it's time to value what you have. To treasure and to celebrate. To rejoice and to bask in the glory of your marriage. To try and rekindle the old flame. To bring back good old memories. Leave your kids at home, go on holidays. Simply go to Central Market, Petaling Street, Genting Highlands, Colmar Tropicale or whatever place you frequented when you were not wearing tags such as husband, wife, father, mother, executive, director; but simply, lovers. Play old cassettes. Watch old movies. See if you could recollect the sweet memories. Rekindle the old flame. Rediscover the fiery passion. Chances are, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Love is this

Because at the end of the day, it's the relationship itself that matters. The fact that you have watched each other grow, managed to raise a family and pay for that weather-beaten car and house; which again, is not quite like the 'Mahligai Syahdu' which you once solemnly promised to her. At the end of the day, it's the simple fact that you existed and stood by for each other all those long years that really matters. Of having survived 'through it all'. Against All Odds. No Matter What. Through Thick And Thin. Come What May.

Perhaps, 20 long years from now, you can look back at all that transpired, hold her now wrinkled hands and look deep into her eyes. Whether you see her smile, or feel her respond with a weak grasp, or simply notice a faraway twinkle in her tired eyes that you know means "I love you", it would be well worth it all.

But until then, you may still have to endure all those hair curlers every night, and, oh - those smelly socks!

ZAIM AL AMIN is a lawyer by profession, currently attached as Group Legal Advisor in the Legal, Secretarial & Contracts Department of an Oil & Gas Company. His love of writing, as he jokingly puts it, stemmed from his sleepless nights due to occasional bouts of insomnia, and he hopes to cure other insomniacs by putting them to sleep reading them.

His blog is at http://zaimhq.blog-city.com and you may contact him at: zaimhq@gmail.com