Ring! Ring! Oh hi! How are you? I'm in church...

That was what a certain young lady must have said when she received a phone call on her mobile about 30 minutes after the 7pm St Francis Xavier (SFX) PJ Christmas mass began.

She then leisurely strolled out of the church while talking, probably to avoid distracting others from their prayer. How so very kind and considerate.

My experience at this year's celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ was far less wholesome than its ever been in my 25 years (minus a few years in between - reasons which we'll get to in a bit) attending Christmas masses.

It was not just because of some people's blatant disrespect for the religious setting they were in but also the off-tangent path the church's focus seems to have continued to travel on.

I was reminded why I decided to 'leave' the religion structured and tarnished by man.

The gimmicks seemed more important that the realisation of Christ's message to transcend religion and reach out to people in love and selflessness.

Missing kindness

My mother (the only reason I occasionally do go to church these days) always leaves her home in Subang Jaya two to three hours before the actual church service begins.

"Why so early?" was my usual protest.

On Christmas eve I realised why. I know she always wants to be seated close to the front but I never realised that she may have also been worried that the church's staff and ushers will not be as kind and dutiful, as one would expect, to locate a 68-year-old woman a place to sit.

We walked into SFX at 6.55pm (my mum was late and I'm sure my brother-in-law got an earful for choosing the Federal Highway instead of the New Pantai Expressway) and as the church was already packed to the brim, I was hoping the ushers will locate just one space for her or lead us to where the best place would be for her to sit (or stand).

Unfortunately they seemed too busy talking on their mobile phones.

I could not help but fell that if there is a need to make a phone call, one should do it outside the church compound and not in the sacred place itself.

It is not an encouraging sight when a church proxy staff does not lead by example.

Then there was this gentleman usher who simply brushed-off my requests for a seat for my mum.

"Yeah, I doubt there's place," he casually said while just standing by the door-side not even attempting to scout for spaces in between those long church pews which always seem able to fit one more person.

I mean, Jesus could always make room for anyone and everyone. The bible even states that when he was too busy preaching and healing, villagers and His disciples managed to squeeze in one or two more to be healed or to hear His word.

My mum and I are by far in need of any physical healing, but some professionalism in line with Jesus' actual examples are sorely needed in the church and its direction.

Mobile phone culture

People constantly speaking or 'sms-ing' (sending text messages) on their mobile phones in public or private meetings is one thing but phones going off in church is certainly another matter.

What's worse is people actually have the gall to answer it and engage in conversations.

And no, you're not forgiven even if you're one of those who 'whispers' into the tiny gismo or a ventriloquist who tries to be inconspicious.

I'm sure God would forgive such an absolutely ludicrous and disrespectful act in church but I certainly don't appreciate it.

Folks, for those of you out there who amazingly don't seem to have been exposed to a civilised code of ethics, well here it is - plain and simple - switch off those annoying gadgets even before you get into church.

And please if you're thinking of putting it on 'silent mode' - so it won't bother others - think again. You're still going to whip that thing out - probably in the midst of a sermon and proceed to check 'missed calls' or 'sms-es'.

Just leave your phone in the car or better still, at home.

God, I can't believe I'm actually saying this to adults but it happens way too often in this country.

Yup, then you're thinking... the cinemas!! "Hello - ah? Ah? What? I'm in the cinema lah... ah, ok, ok call you later ah? Ok..."

Alright, perhaps not quite as dramatic as that, but hey even if the phone rings or beeps or even if its completely silent, there's the annoying colourful lights on mobile phone screens which people flash during scenes. Newsflash! Text messaging is also rude and unacceptable in cinemas, theatres, churches, lecture halls and many more places.

The kids factor

Another common problem in churches and cinemas are kids!

They tend to run around, playing, screaming and crying. Which actually, in hindsight, is not as annoying as adults on phones.

It's a fact that Jesus never turned away a child. But he also, I believe, didn't preach to the kids. He embraced them, spent time playing and perhaps just 'hung' with them. So this makes me wonder why parents drag their toddlers to a 'boring and long' - from a child's perspective - church service.

"To receive His blessings. To learn about His teachings. To pray," parents tell me.

Fair enough but if you know you have an 'uncontrollable' child then for everyone's sake, please leave them at home. They'll still receive blessings as all children are blessed with God's love.

There are Catechism classes for them to learn of His ways and how to pray.

If a kid can stay put then I'm all for it. It is indeed heartening to watch an innocent being actually praying and absorbing the tranquillity and spirituality of it all.

I remember as a kid, I was never allowed to roam around or talk, scream or play in church. At least not during a service. I remember singing and reciting prayers even at the tender age of five or six.

Perhaps I think that is why I can remember the whole mass proper word-for-word till today. So much so, it helped me ace Catechism tests and Confirmation exams. Yes, exams... (we had a tough parish priest).

Although, I am a little rusty these days since I stopped going to church regularly after 18. I think that was also the last year that I played the organ for masses in Ipoh.

The point is, I guess, be firm with your children and inspire them to be part of the process or don't bring them at all.

Perhaps churches should seriously consider day-care centres for parents who don't have the luxury of leaving their children at home.

Saving grace

There was some consolation, at least, with the priest saying the mass - Fr Simon Yong - whose sermon touched on things, I like hearing, come out of a church function.

He spoke of how one should look beyond themselves in this time of celebration.

In the midst of all the parties, delicious food, gifts and joy, one should think of others. The poor, the needy, the migrant worker, the illegal immigrants who are due to be nabbed and deported.

Yes, it was fantastic listening to a non A-political priest who understood that Jesus was as political as Lim Kit Siang if not more. What was more pleasant was that it was not the usual suspect - Fr OC Lim - who was going on about human rights and politics.

That made me feel very reassured about my 'generous' donation during the collection of funds for the Jesuit priests and their mission and development.

It reminded me of the good old church days when I used to be inspired by activists - in the church I grew up in, one of which was my mum - to get 'involved' in the religion.

The carolling in squatter areas, the revolutionary mixing and bonding of different languages and cultures in the choir, the SPM bible knowledge tuition teacher who taught me to be critical in reading the book.

The Catholic Society (MCX) teacher adviser who trusted a 'wayward' boy to head the group and to have looked beyond the 'unpolished kid' and allowed him a platform to cultivate his talents and faith.

Internal struggle

Unfortunately over time, all that faded when the shadiness of the religious structure started to show. You don't need to spend on the fancy structural renovations to your old, beautiful, majestic churches. Please, why do we need to air-condition everything?

Building more halls for activities and stuff. I really thought Jesus' mission was to build an empire of good people by spreading The Word not building castles. I mean, he went to fishing villages, ate with beggars and mixed with alleged criminals.

So how much is the church really doing for the person unfairly put in jail?

What about the poor who don't have transportation to churches for Christmas masses? I wonder - and I may be wrong - if the church has spent time, effort and money on chartering buses to allow the poor folks, people in squatter areas, the disabled, to join in fancy church celebrations.

Is religion really meant only for the rich?

One positive development at the SFX mass was the use of sign language.

While we drive in our own fancy cars to church, parking haphazardly on the sides of a main, busy road, have we forgotten that Jesus walked throughout his life journey?

At least the traffic wardens at SFX were efficient in handling parking and guiding the chaos.

All in all, I'm actually glad I attended mass. Not just because it helps my mum deal with my 'religious-less-ness' but also because I am reminded of why I resent the whole religious scene.

ROSHAN JASON is a member of malaysiakini.