opinion I am not proud to be Chinese. Before the usual chorus of disapproval erupts, let me clarify: I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my ethnicity either. I am just Chinese.

Being Chinese and more specifically, a Chinese Malaysian has shaped my life in many ways. The food I eat, the holidays I celebrate and the customs and traditions I take part in. I embrace all of this as part of who I am.

But pride? I really don't think my race is superior (and definitely not inferior) to any other. So I refuse to let the colour of my skin tint my view of the world. There are lots of great things about being Chinese, its long history and shark fin soup, for example.

Or the always amusing yam seng ritual at wedding dinners. But all that cannot mean that being any other race sucks.

Nonetheless, it is inevitable that being Malaysians, race plays a big part too big, in my opinion in our lives. From the May 13 to the Petaling Jaya Selatan clashes, the Purplaya poem to the university quota controversy - race and ethnicity form the axis, around which all issues revolve.

Nearly forty years after Malaysia was formed, we are still adamant about keeping this mind set, limiting our own potential and growth as a society in the 21st century.

Noble defenders

It is a mind set that allows for the dumbing down of politics. Think about it - the ruling coalition basically comprises three big parties that act (act being the operative word here) as noble defenders of each race's rights instead of dealing with issues of unity and progress.

Of course, we return them to power every five years, because we don't have the nerve nor the desire to say we deserve better and simply because we are afraid of change. But change is inevitable and should never be feared. We have been through a lot here in Malaysia.

From the struggle for independence to the present struggle for economic and cultural relevance in a globalised but American-dominated world, we have proven ourselves as more or less capable people.

But Barisan Nasional (BN) would never acknowledge that. Instead, we are made to feel as if we owe all of our successes to them and failures to the often stigmatised opposition. Vote us out of power, they say, and the entire nation will crumble and crash into chaos.

But it won't. The fact that we have survived so many of BN's ill-thought policies is proof of that. Because ultimately it is us, the people, and not one man and his political party, that deserve the credit for our achievements. And ultimately, it will also be us that deserve the blame for our failures. We have reached a rather interesting juncture in our path to a being a developed nation.

Two choices

At this point we have two choices. We can make a conscious effort to not only reject racial politics, but also push towards the developing of a nation where all Malaysians, of all ethnicity, religions, economic standing, sexual orientation and political views - all Malaysians - have equal opportunities to speak, learn, create and participate.

Where all Malaysians can look beyond the haze of race and religion and see individuals for who they are and issues for what they are.

Or we can just sit back and relax. Watch some television. Drink a cup of tea. And let things get worse, because there is no middle ground.

I am part of the post-1969 generation. Whenever I hear or read about the craziness that went on then, I can't help but think that it is in the past. I cannot even come close to imagining the Malay kid who sat next to me in primary school telling me to 'balik Tongsan' (go back to China).

However, this doesn't mean my generation doesn't continue living in the shadow of history. While today, incidents of us bashing each other's brains out are rare, we are not that much closer as a people, either.

I will be honest. I don't have many Malay and Indian friends, and I have even cracked a racist joke or two before. And I doubt that my situation is unique.

Our university students can't live in the same accommodation because of the baggage full of mistrust and misconceptions about each other.

As a college student overseas, I have lived with four different persons in the past four years. A German, an American, a Japanese and now, a Singaporean.

So forgive me if I don't see why a Malay, Chinese or Indian, all Malaysians, who have more in common than they think, cannot live together.

Blatant examples

The closure of SJK Damansara Chinese school and the quota controversy draws support mainly from the Chinese, while reformasi - the Malays. But these are ultimately not racial issues or causes.

They are merely two in many examples of BN's blatant disregard of the rights of its citizens - something that should be decried by all quarters. Due praise must be given to BA leaders who try to make these issues non-racial, but a rather visible divide still remains.

In a sick sort of way, it is the Internal Security Act that has united Malaysians.

Opposition towards the arrests of the ten activists has cut across ethnic lines. Which means that some of us have already decided which path we want Malaysia to head down.

One of my most vivid memories of the Kesas highway protest was not of the cowardly police firing of tear gas and beating of unarmed, innocent civilians. It was when I was getting into my car.

Four Malay guys nearby looked at me. One of them asked, "Eh, boy. You pun sokong reformasi, ke?" (You support reformasi as well?) As if reformasi was solely a Malay battle.

I wasn't offended, though. Rather, I was upset that there was obviously a low Chinese presence at the gathering. On the other hand, I was grateful to be offered the opportunity to break (like the police were doing to people's bones) a stereotype.

"Kita ini semua orang Malaysia," I replied. "Memang tanggungjawab kita untuk sokong reformasi." (We are Malaysians and it is our responsibility to support reformasi).

I had no problem saying that with pride.

BRIAN YAP believes in the need to redefine what it means to be Malaysian simply because we're capable of so much more. He is currently living in New York, where he waits on tables for money.