Many people are aware of the saying 'charity begins at home'. It is unfortunate however that many people do not appreciate that discipline does too.

When a child is growing up, it has very little understanding of what is right and wrong. This is simply because a child is like a brand-new writing book waiting to be filled with knowledge, ideas and a basic sense of what is right and what is wrong.

A child learns things from the people as well as the environment that it is surrounded by. In the normal course, this means its parents. It is unfortunate that fewer and fewer parents seem to understand what it means to discipline their child.

Disciplining is not simply about spanking, hitting or scolding a child when it has done something wrong. That is just punishment. Disciplining is firstly about teaching your child that it cannot have or do a certain thing. This is something most Malaysian parents do not do.

For example, they let their children run around and scream in closely confined public places or make a mess of things. When you complain to them about their children, they merely shrug helplessly or take great offence.

If parents do not teach their children that some things can only be done at certain times and certain places, their children simply learn that they can do anything at any time at any place. Telling your child, a much loved one, 'no' is difficult but it must be done. Not only for society's sake but more importantly for his own sake lest he ends up a spoilt brat.

Secondly, and just as important, this prohibition must also be accompanied by a reasonable explanation. Most parents are content to simply scold and shout at their children with no explanation given about what they have done wrong and why. Explanation is important because the child has to understand the rules.

The failure to explain gives the impression that the parents are frivolous in their scoldings or spankings, etc. The children are therefore less willing to understand, accept and internalise the rule as well as the punishment.

Thirdly, after a rule has been set and an explanation given, only then does punishment come into the picture. Punishment is to reinforce a rule that a parent has set and must be given for any infringement. If a parent fails to punish, a child would have less reason to obey.

Punishment does not necessarily have to mean a scolding or a spanking. It can mean deprivation of television time, toys, comics or whatever the child enjoys. It can mean being grounded in the house and not being able to see his friends. It can mean carrying out chores in the house, etc.

One thing that is sometimes overlooked by parents is that they forget to remind the punished child that they still love him. This is to show that disapproval of the child's particular conduct does not necessarily mean a dislike of the child.

Parents should implement this discipline from an early age in order to instil good values and a sense of responsibility, civic-mindedness and respect for the law. The parents are the foundations upon which the child builds whatever it learns later in life.

That is why when parents abdicate their disciplinary responsibility they have nobody else to blame but themselves. They cannot blame the teachers, police, government or anybody else because all of them come after the parents.

The government also fails to understand that criminalising petty behaviour does not instil discipline and make children more law abiding. By the time they are in their teens it is usually too late. What is more, that is when they are in their most assertive years.

Although it is often said that bringing up a child is not easy, many do not appreciate this. Many do not appreciate the time, love and effort that go into raising a child into being an intelligent, responsible and law-abiding citizen.

It is common to see young parents leave their children in daycare centres, with relatives, or at home with maids. These places cannot discipline a child the way he should be.

What is more the parents feel guilty about disciplining their child because they have left them all day with someone else and so they give in. They fail to realise that giving in is a breeder of spoilt brats and tomorrow's obnoxious and irresponsible monsters.

Raising a child is not easy but being a responsible parent is even harder. Most parents should ask themselves this hard question if they want to raise their child right: do we want to have flourishing careers or do we want to raise our children to make us proud? If both can do both then great! but most people cannot.

The reason is simply because you cannot eat your cake and keep it too. It is true that children are our future. As parents, if we don't look after them, nurture them, educate them, discipline them, love them, support them, well then we will merely reap what we have sown.