In response to M Bakri Musa's article, 'Princesses and their weddings' I do agree with his sentiments that it often seems "there is no limit to the obscenely ostentatious display of wealth amongst Malaysia's newly rich".

Malaysians have, in recent years, been privy to a spate of weddings that seem intent on vying for the 'Society Wedding of the Year' award - spending hundreds of thousands of ringgit, if not millions, in the hope of out-dazzling the last attempt by the neighbours.

However, in our culture and society, inviting everyone we know to partake of the festivities is very much at the centre of our 'open-house' culture, and even more so in Malay culture.

Inviting the 'whole kampung' is very much at the centre of community life, to ensure that none of our friends would feel kecil hati and that all may come together to celebrate the marriage and witness a legally-binding commitment.

This also prevents any fitnah or misunderstanding from arising later on the couple's marital status. In Asian culture, everyone that you and your parents know are invited in the spirit of muhibah and the fostering of silaturahim.

Furthermore, people of a certain standing in society are sure to have friends who are well known, and it is understandable that they be included in the guest list.

The true concept of hantaran, whether it involves buffaloes and goats or modern day gifts, surely was never about 'merchantile exchange'. In its unadulterated sense, I believe it to be a symbol of security that is offered to the family of the bride as a sign that the groom is able to adequately care for her.

This concept is not only seen in Malay culture but also in other Asian cultures. This is surely understandable as a woman leaves the security of her family home to start a new life with her husband.

For many families today, hantaran is not about 'showing off' or materialism but a sign of mutual respect and a sign that the parties entering into the marriage will be cared for.

As Bakri rightly puts it, "ours is a diverse nation" and so the way in which wedding celebrations are organised is yet another facet of our rich cultural diversity. Butt I agree with him that it must be in moderation.

Perhaps the concept of 'open-house', the spirit of 'muhibah' and strengthening of 'silaturahim' is something that Bakri has forgotten - hence, his unnecessarily scathing and generalised comments that labelled the recent wedding of the daughter of jailed former deputy premier Anwar Ibrahim as "a celebration that involved the entire 'village' and dragged on for days".

First things first - the father of the bride, fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, fails to fall into the category of 'Malaysia's newly rich'. Rather, he has been out of a job for the last five years, most of which has been spent in solitary confinement in one of Malaysia's renowned health spas Sungai Buloh Prison. Bakri, you may have heard of it.

The wedding was to all intents and purposes, a simple and modest affair. The wedding reception took place in their front garden with tents erected, tables laid out on the road, guests invited to partake of a simple, traditional Malay wedding meal. This was not a 'Carcosa' or 'Rennaissance' type wedding.

Even preparations for it, in true traditional Malaysian style, were a gotong-royong affair. People began trickling in by the busloads from late morning. Many came from as far as Johor Bahru, Terrenganu, Kelantan, Kedah. Rather than a show of extravagance, theirs was a modest event that tried to include everyone who wished to attend.

The fact that there was so overwhelming a turnout was not an example of 'society wedding extravagance' but rather a wonderful symbol of the solidarity, care and regard that so many people hold for the bride, groom and their families, and a wish to participate in this happy event.

What are weddings truly about? Sharing a meal together. Wishing the newlyweds all the very best. Praying for their future happiness.

It is also about the coming together of two families, and the fostering and cementing of ties within communities. This is as true today as it was hundreds of years ago. Yet people are often quick to forget that, quick to cynically discount all that they do not understand as 'old potlatch rituals'.

It's funny how marriages back then (including those in tribal communities such as the American-Indians in North America to which Bakri alludes) so often worked out and couples grew old together. Today, it is the lawyers that are laughing all the way to the bank.

Might I suggest that the next time you attend (or rather, do not attend) a wedding Bakri, that you try to view it in slightly less cynical terms, relax and maybe even join in the festivities? Or do they do things so very differently in the Silicon Valley?