Once upon a time, there was a village in the East. One day, the penghulu (headman) of the village got into an argument with his deputy penghulu over whether the villagers should be allowed to masturbate. The older penghulu thought that masturbation was immoral, whereas the younger deputy penghulu thought that though it should not be encouraged, to ban it would be entirely impossible and perhaps too repressive on the villagers' freedom and privacy.

In reality, however, the penghulu was urged by his cronies to ban masturbation because they thought that more profits would be generated for their prostitution business. The deputy penghulu was aware of this ulterior motive, therefore he strongly resisted the penghulu's policy.

Eventually, the penghulu decided to enforce his order despite vehement protests from the villagers, and banished his dissident deputy into exile.

Soon, following the suggestion of his cronies, the penghulu ordered that every morning when they wake up, all villagers must pledge allegiance to the penghulu in their homes, and state that they shall not masturbate.

The penghulu and his cronies hoped that by enforcing this policy, the villagers would no longer support his banished deputy, and would be encouraged to visit the prostitution business from time to time.

However, the prostitution business of the penghulu's cronies did not improve, because none of the villagers really took the order seriously, and they continued to masturbate in their own privacy. Also, there were still strong signs of support for his former deputy. Thus, to ensure the success of the policy, the penghulu decided to place a listening device in every household in the village, so that he could make sure that every villager was pledging allegiance every morning, as well as stating that they shall not masturbate.

The villagers became very angry with the intrusion into their privacy and freedom, but they were unable to rebel against the penghulu. So, one of them came up with an ingenious idea.

The villager invented a new alarm clock which could record the villagers' voice and replay themessage recorded every morning at a given time. Every family — save the penghulu's and his cronies' — secretly bought the clock, recorded their pledge, and placed that clock next to the listening device placed in their homes by the penghulu.

Every morning, the alarm clock would play the same pledge of allegiance when the villagers woke up. The penghulu would stay in his headquarters, listening to the pledge recited by the villagers, through the listening devices. Little did he know that in the spirit of civil disobedience, the villagers were actually masturbating every morning precisely while their alarm clocks were loudly pronouncing into the listening devices: "I promise to stay loyal to the penghulu, and I shall not masturbate."

For a while, the village remained clam and peaceful, because everybody got what they wanted: the penghulu was happy to listen to his villagers' pledge of allegiance every day, and he was very proud of himself because it seemed that the villagers' support for him remained consistently strong and loud every day, and showed no sign of decline whatsoever. On the other hand, the villagers were happy to have satisfied the desire of the penghulu while they continue enjoying their freedom, albeit only in private.

The cronies, however, were not happy, because their prostitution business never prospered. The villagers were aware of this dissatisfaction, and they wondered what the cronies and the penghulu would come up with the next time to insult their intelligence again.

May the villagers live happily even though they have to contend with a bunch of pathetic, insecure morons for their leaders.