Bersih 2.0: Seeing it all for myself

I was deciding on whether I should attend this "illegal rally", as classified by our government.

A stern warning from my husband was an added deterrent, as knowing the activist in me, my hubby had said "I am warning you, you are not allowed to attend the Bersih rally".

I was torn in between. I didn't know which was the right choice.

Both government and the opposition were similar in some ways and some of the politicians in the opposition had originated from the current government, although there were a few nice ones that I personally knew. I was worried and scared too as the government had already warned everyone.

Furthermore, people were saying that Bersih was a pro-opposition organisation.

All this while, I was an ignorant citizen who didn't care much. But after thinking it over, I decided that I had to go and see for once what was the truth.

Mainstream media had always played down all the issues. When I read online independent news portals backing up the opposition, I decided that I must go and find out for myself.

I am 32 this year and happily married with a child. I was also the leader of an environmental group (another reason why I did not want to get involved initially).

I also had the perception that being a Chinese, we had to mind our own business, as we are just 2nd class citizens (because I felt that we Chinese were treated as "pendatang").

I have friends from other races, but for strangers or those that I wasn't too close with, I felt that there was still a barrier between us (thinking back about this makes me feel very silly now).

 Heavy heart

The day before the Bersih Rally, my heart felt heavy the whole day.

I felt that something was amiss. I felt that I should go and see for myself. How could I convince my hubby to let me go? I finally summoned the courage to tell him how I felt. I told him to let me go and see what was really happening.

After two hours of convincing, he finally relented with the condition that I had to leave the stadium by 2.30pm.

On the 9th of July, I started my drive to Kuala Lumpur. I wasn't really in support of Bersih because I still had the perception that they were backed up by the opposition.

I just thought that I had to see what it was really all about as well as join my friends and give them some moral support (I knew that my friends really wanted free and clean elections).

We waited the whole morning in Brickfields, waiting for instructions from the group leader. Later, we hid at my mother's friend's shop nearby as I found that something was not very right about the atmosphere around.

Too many youths loitering in the restaurants and around the streets was not the norm. More friends came to join. First was FJ, SE and SK, later WK, JO and SZ joined in. I prepared my first aid kit for emergency use.

Everyone was so anxious and kept looking at their mobile phones, tweeting, FB-ing. At 12.50pm., I received an SMS from our leader: "Come down in 15 minutes".

We started walking at 1.15 pm from Brickfields to Stadium Merdeka where the rally was planned to be.

We were in a long line of small groups of twos and threes. I was scared inside but I had to act tough (as per my usual characteristic of being a leader).

The atmosphere around Petaling Street, a place which I've known all my life, was eerily quiet. All the shops were closed. It felt like something was going to happen anytime. People walking by in small groups talking softly to each other.

The further we walked, the more people we saw. Big groups were ahead of us. The atmosphere was not quiet anymore. We reached Watsons opposite Kota Raya.

Our planned route was to walk from Puduraya heading towards Pudu jail, ending at the stadium.

From afar we saw that the Federal Reserve Units (FRU) had launched the first round of tear gas and sprayed their water cannons at the marchers who sat in front of Maybank.

Then my friend who called me and told me that he was there and they were shot at with tear gas and sprayed by the water cannons, and he asked us not to head over there. Before I could hang up, other marchers ran over to tell everyone to turn back as the FRU was coming.

So immediately, I looked for our leader but he was not in sight. So I just told whoever I saw to turn back.

I was basically so worried that these marchers would turn violent (like what the mainstream media always said). We followed the marchers from the side all the way back heading towards stadium with another route.

Huge crowd

The crowd was getting so huge that it almost flooded Jalan Sultan. I could tell that most didn't even know each other. But they were all there for a similar reason.

Small group of people were chanting "Reformasi" (Reformation, which is what the Opposition always calls out in support of Anwar Ibrahim). Thoughts came into my head, "Let's see what this is all about... So I'm right, Bersih is pro-opposition and all they wanted was a reason together with the opposition to bring down the current Government.. WAIT! Hold your horses.. NO!".

Then I heard people started chanting "Bersih" (Clean) louder than those who were shouting the reformation chant, to remind them that today's rally was for clean and fair elections and not the Opposition's reformation.

I continued to observe what was happening around me. The answer was clear then that there were a minority in support of the opposition, but the majority of people there were really hoping for a change in the electoral system and freedom of speech.

Heavy rain started pouring while these people were marching towards the stadium. I stood by watching.

People from all walks of life, of different races and ages; even some who were on wheelchairs or crutches, marching together with high spirit and passion. "BERSIH BERSIH!!! HIDUP RAKYAT!!!" were the words I heard from the crowds.

I suddenly had a feeling that I had never felt in my whole life. Unity, passion and the true Malaysian spirit!

It was such a touching scene that my tears rolled down my cheeks while the rain washed them away. I did not feel that I was a crowd that were going to harm me, but that I was with my fellow Malaysians.

Our group continued our march towards the stadium together with all the marchers. We were all united as one. The worried feeling in me subsided. I was not worry about them turning violence nor did I feel that they supported the opposition.

I was sure that they were there for one objective, one mission, that is Malaysians hoping for a better Malaysia.

No strangers

Just when I was high in spirit, my phone rang and my hubby called me to remind me that it was 2.30pm. and time for me to leave.

My heart was so heavy. So heavy that I had to leave my fellow Malaysians behind. But I had to keep my promise. Walking down the streets alone was not scary at all although there were strangers all around me.

To me, they were no strangers. Not Chinese, Malays or Indians. They were Malaysians. It was still raining when I was walking and the only thing I was worried about were the FRU and the police, as my friends had SMS-ed me to tell me that they were brutally abusing the marchers and asked me to be really careful.

I took a slow walk heading towards Uda Ocean Building, then the Klang Bus Stand, later towards Public Bank on to the ramp heading towards Brickfields all alone.

My fellow Malaysians who wanted to make a difference were on the opposite direction heading to the stadium.

I saw a very familiar face. An old man with white hair and a long beard. I realised that it was A Samad Said (left) with his group on the overhead bridge near the KTM, heading towards the Public Bank roundabout.

Looking at the spirit of unity then, my heart felt heavy again. I wanted to turn back.

I wanted to go back to my friends. But I had to keep my promise to my hubby while my mom and daughter were waiting for me in Brickfields.

I went to the rally as a coward, walked along as an observer, marched as a supporter and returned as a believer.

I edited a post I read which was originally by Charis Ding - "I went to the rally as a spectator, I came back as a believer).

That evening I was back home, and for the first time I cried when I heard ‘Negaraku'. For the first time in my life I felt that I wasn't a Chinese, I was a Malaysian!!! I'M PROUD TO BE A MALAYSIAN.

Later, my friends who were at Maybank area exchanged stories about their experience on 709. I was saddened by their feedback. They were not as lucky as I was.

They were made sitting ducks by the FRU who sprayed their water cannons and launched tear gas at the marchers while they were merely sitting there peacefully.

They had a different experience there. They saw it. The marchers did not provoke the police like what was mentioned in the news. It was a peaceful march wherein later they were told to sit down peacefully.

But they were betrayed!! They were betrayed by our countrymen. They were betrayed by the people that were supposed to protect them.

People running, scattered all over. Instead of being helped by the police, the marchers were being beaten. Tell me. Who wouldn't run if they saw police chasing them after they were betrayed?

Strangers came in to help by offering salt to them to ease the pain of the tear gas. Some even asked if they were okay.

Strangers that you didn't know were making sure you were right behind them and that you were safe.

Water being offered by strangers to wash away the chemicals from the water cannon.

 Betrayed by countrymen

My friends came back with these thoughts: Betrayed by our countrymen, the people who were supposed to protect them, but found the unity in Malaysians.

In the following days, Facebook and Youtube were flooded by videos and pictures from my network of friends. Some videos and pictures were taken by my friends during the rally.

I was so hurt. So hurt that I sat there crying while watching all the videos, pictures and reading what my friends wrote about their experiences.

Looking at how my friends, who were merely there to ask for some changes in government, were treated.

If it was videos and pictures from people that I didn't know, I would choose not to believe.

But those were videos and pictures from my friends that I personally knew. They are not pro-opposition. They are neither pro-government.

They are part of the new generation which only wants to be treated fairly and change the electoral system.

Where are the rights of Malaysians as stated in the constitution? We are a democratic country. How could this happen? If I did not go to the rally, I would still be ignorant like many others.

And I believe was not the only person who went there to see what was happening.

Many other Malaysians were there for their first time with the same mindset as me.

And came back awakened.

Awakened not because they will choose PR the next election but awakened in our awareness of our rights as Malaysians. Awakened to the fact that there are no Malays, Chinese, Indians and etc., but only Malaysians.

Before I end this, I have an excerpt from the same article by Charis Ding, which I would like to share. "By the end of the day, I discovered I referred to the marchers and myself as ‘we', no longer ‘them' and ‘I'. It is because we were there together, as Malaysia. We helped each other and cared for each other as Malaysia.

There was no political agenda with the people there - I was there, I experienced it and I know it. It was Malaysia, embracing in our hearts and our actions the hope for better government."

She had written about what I saw, what I felt and how I came back. But of course, she experienced the "warzone" which I had missed out on.

Charis, you are right. There's no longer "them" and "I". I will refer to us as "WE".

STAY STRONG MY FELLOW MALAYSIANS. TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR A BETTER TOMORROW.

JOE YAP is a liberal from Kuala Lumpur. Having been through Bersih and seen it, she says she is finally awakened. Are you awakened, she asks.